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4 Coaching Skills Every Human Needs to Succeed

Tourist travellers with map in mountainsIn a perfect world, there would be no need for coaches, counselors and advisers.  Friends, family and managers would continually help us do what coaches and human development experts do:  become 100% alive. 100% ourselves. 100% effective.

What is coaching?

Coaching involves ongoing and intentional conversation that empowers people or groups to thrive and live out their callings.

[cryout-pullquote t require higher intelligence.  However, if you and I were to

  • Better relationships

  • Better parenting

  • Healthier and more effective organizations

  • Thriving churches

  • In the negative -we'd have a lot less pain from messing up relationships, organizations and leadership stuff.

    Here they are....

    1. Questioning instead of offering advice.

    There's certainly a time to give advice (like when asked), but coaches are trained in learning how to curiously ask great questions.... NOT have all the answers.

    Trust me, I "attained" degrees in government and theology and learned how to give answers with the best of em... or the worst.  When tempted to give advice, "solve" their problem or "tell em what I think," stop and ask: "Might asking a great questions actually serve them better than telling them what to do?"

    Questions like:

    • How did you come to that?

    • What are you learning?

    • What's stands most directly the gap that's holding you back?

    • What could you do to overcome your biggest obstacle?

    • What outcome would make you really happy?

    Really, coaching is about being honest with your curiosity instead of showing you're smart.

    And PS on this one... I am always glad when I act this way in my marriage... and don't always : (

    2. Questing for the best them

    This is the noblest quest for any parent, partner or spouse .. the quest to help someone else see who they really are and what they uniquely have to offer.  In some ways, it's like going to battle on behalf of someone else to see themselves at their best.

    [cryout-pullquote s duty and knocked this out of us, but great coaches help the coachee see beyond their false selves.. actually hold up a mirror so they see themselves the way God created them.

    WHO YOU ARE WHAT YOU REALLY HAVE TO OFFER WHY YOU MUST OFFER IT

    The late Thomas Leonard, who founded Coach U, would challenge: "Encourage them to play at a higher level.  Don't let them settle for less. "

    3. Queuing Options

    Sometimes just helping someone brainstorm, draw out or creatively research options and ideas can make "stuck" turn into movement.

    Some call this "getting on the solution side" instead of focusing on the problem.  And being a recovering "negaholic" myself, this can open doors when all most can see is a wall.

    4. Quelling fears

    Yes, there are real things to be afraid of, but great coaching calms the "fear mechanism" that tend to discourage creative action, cool-headedness and decisions that lead to better relationships.

    Totally, it's easier to notice fear in others than in ourselves.. but as we coach others in quelling their fears, we become better at seeing it living and active in "moi."

    Important quelling fear tactics...

    • Encouraging their strengths and gifts - their power

    • Encouraging the heart behind their greatest desires -their passion

    • Encouraging trust in God and His plan.- their peace through prayer

    • Noting how far they've already come - their progress

    QUESTION - QUEST - QUE - QUELL

    Which one of these coaching skills could help you in best help or support those you love or lead right now?  In a perfect world, there would be no need for coaches, counselors and advisers.  Friends, family and managers would continually help us do what coaches and human development experts do:  become 100% alive. 100% ourselves. 100% effective.

    What is coaching?

    Coaching involves ongoing and intentional conversation that empowers people or groups to thrive and live out their callings.

    [cryout-pullquote t require higher intelligence.  However, if you and I were to

  • Better relationships

  • Better parenting

  • Healthier and more effective organizations

  • Thriving churches

  • In the negative -we'd have a lot less pain from messing up relationships, organizations and leadership stuff.

    Here they are....

    1. Questioning instead of offering advice.

    There's certainly a time to give advice (like when asked), but coaches are trained in learning how to curiously ask great questions.... NOT have all the answers.

    Trust me, I "attained" degrees in government and theology and learned how to give answers with the best of em... or the worst.  When tempted to give advice, "solve" their problem or "tell em what I think," stop and ask: "Might asking a great questions actually serve them better than telling them what to do?"

    Questions like:

    • How did you come to that?

    • What are you learning?

    • What's stands most directly the gap that's holding you back?

    • What could you do to overcome your biggest obstacle?

    • What outcome would make you really happy?

    Really, coaching is about being honest with your curiosity instead of showing you're smart.

    And PS on this one... I am always glad when I act this way in my marriage... and don't always : (

    2. Questing for the best them

    This is the noblest quest for any parent, partner or spouse .. the quest to help someone else see who they really are and what they uniquely have to offer.  In some ways, it's like going to battle on behalf of someone else to see themselves at their best.

    [cryout-pullquote s duty and knocked this out of us, but great coaches help the coachee see beyond their false selves.. actually hold up a mirror so they see themselves the way God created them.

    WHO YOU ARE WHAT YOU REALLY HAVE TO OFFER WHY YOU MUST OFFER IT

    The late Thomas Leonard, who founded Coach U, would challenge: "Encourage them to play at a higher level.  Don't let them settle for less. "

    3. Queuing Options

    Sometimes just helping someone brainstorm, draw out or creatively research options and ideas can make "stuck" turn into movement.

    Some call this "getting on the solution side" instead of focusing on the problem.  And being a recovering "negaholic" myself, this can open doors when all most can see is a wall.

    4. Quelling fears

    Yes, there are real things to be afraid of, but great coaching calms the "fear mechanism" that tend to discourage creative action, cool-headedness and decisions that lead to better relationships.

    Totally, it's easier to notice fear in others than in ourselves.. but as we coach others in quelling their fears, we become better at seeing it living and active in "moi."

    Important quelling fear tactics...

    • Encouraging their strengths and gifts - their power

    • Encouraging the heart behind their greatest desires -their passion

    • Encouraging trust in God and His plan.- their peace through prayer

    • Noting how far they've already come - their progress

    QUESTION - QUEST - QUE - QUELL

    Which one of these coaching skills could help you in best help or support those you love or lead right now? 

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