When we're in pain it's hard to be at our best. OK, that's an understatment! Pain pretty much hampers achieving our dreams, meeting our goals, living in health and building loving relationships. Pain is almost impossible to ignore. As William Shakespeare said, "A man with a toothache cannot be in love."
I learned this painful lesson the hard way during "freetime"at the Camp of the Woods junior high basketball clinic many years ago. My pain happened just moments before my friend Billy Lohmeyer made good on his promise to introduce me to the "cute girl on the trampoline." I was confident I could use "suave" approach and casual conversation to at least get to know this "teenage beauty!" However, as Billy and I sauntered into the gym with my eyes trained on "her," my barefooted toe clumsily caught the metal door frame and I ripped the toenail from completely off. Billy, at first not noticing my pain, continued with the introduction. My reddened face grimacing, I said, "Hi... I'm Jeff." At that point, Billy, noticing blood liberally spurting from my foot kindly began mopping my trail with an old towel. As pain began to take over, I held my breath and blurted, "Whelp, nice to meet ya!" I quickly turned and hobbled out the door with Billy following - my blood staining the wood as I limped. Once outside, I let out a "Yowwwwwwwwwwww!!!"
Try as I did, I just couldn't ignore the bleeding toe. I don't remember much about the girl nor do I think I ever saw her again. However, my left foot still bares the scar of that fateful introduction and the toenail remains deformed.
MORAL OF THE STORY as long as you're in pain, ache or discomfort, you can't focus on "higher" things. Whether that involves enjoying your family, finding significance day-to-day or caring about others in pain. As long as you're in pain - the pain pretty much wins the day. It keeps you from being fully you.
As I now coach people, especially men, I see too many who remain trapped in pain in their area of work/calling/career to have maximum energy for other pursuits. I identify. I really knew that pain for many years. I felt chronic uncertainty, lack of clear mission and outright pain. It affected me daily as I sought to ignore it by junking out with chips and cookies, sacking out in front of the TV or just feeling sorry for myself. Other times, I expressed it by being too "tired" to play with the kids, picking fights with my wife and on weekends isolating from friends.
I now believe that too many others share my "bleeding toe" in this area of life. It doesn't need to remain that way!
Something's wrong. Like the bleeding toe, it likely won't kill you. And some might argue, at least you've still got your eyes, your ears and your limbs But longterm pain doesn't foster an ability to "be in love." You won't give your best to those you love, to God, to your work or to yourself as long as you're in pain in your work.
If this resonates with you, THERE IS HOPE for something better. Much better! But, you can't just ignore the bleeding toe.
There is a different way. The way of calling. Convergence. Discovering what you were born to do. First step: seeking another way. A new way. A "stop the bleeding way."
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