My theory: Crush, ignore or undermine their dream.... crush, ignore and undermine real relationship. How do I know? (Long story for another blog post. But, trust me, I know how to crush, undermine and ignore with the best of em. Or worst of em??)
When we married them, we married girls with dreams. Yes, it may not have been clear at the time and possibly already belittled, bruised or buried. She still dreamed of something wonderful: a better life, a better love, a better world. Like most dreamers, she knew how to submit her dreams to the sometimes brutal realities of life - bills, schedules and bullies who's agenda was more important than her dreams.
Sadly, sometimes the worst bully to a wifes dream: It's us: husbands.
That was a surprise to me. Took me YEARS to discover. "Who me?" I at least tolerated her dream. I put up with the "inconvenience" it was to me. I took the kids and took the hit to free time and extra finances. But, as any dreamer knows, tolerating is a long way from celebrating. Tolerating is no "wind beneath her wings." Tolerating is not releasing.
But, dreams don't go away. Yes, many die with the dream still in them. Many allow them to get crushed over time. But, how do we feel about those who crush, or even just tolerate our own dreams? Certainly not ga-ga about! On the other hand, how do we feel about those who discover, celebrate and release our dreams? Love. Appreciation. Respect. Admiration. All the things we would love from our wives! Hmmmmm
I just watched Julie and Julia this weekend... (and yes, I do admit I fell asleep a couple of times...But I also fall asleep during Star Trek movies!) but if you saw it, you witnessed husbands who really believed in their wife's dream. They faught for them and they paid the price. They stuck with them when other's thought their dream frivolous and unrealistic. Neither wife could have done it without her husband. Pretty cool stuff!
So, what's her dream?
A few quick questions to help you find out. Ask her:
What did you dream about when you were a young girl? What kinds of things did you play during free time?
If you could only do three mearurable things in your life, what would you do?
What would you do if you had all the time and money in the world? (I guess she'd just need to pretend you weren't married to us, huh? :) )
What could I do better to enable you to live your dream?
Read Release Your Wife, Release Your Life Part I Read Release Your Wife, Release Your Life Part II
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