I've coached enough gifted people since 2001 to feel like I can speak to this issue. And I've coached (well tried to!) coach myself for longer than that!
But, I can tell you I now see it clearer than ever and its a shame!
There's loss of huge, HUGE amounts of growth, joy, productivity, money and maybe most importantly, freedom and fulfillment of a dream.
I now feel that instead of just dancing around the symptoms and just adding a new tactic, a new idea or even a new reason why it'll never work "for me" AND even blaming God for not coming through for us, it's best to just get to the root cause.
I have total emathy for many of these and completely know those sentiments feel real ...
Yes, the vision you're seeking to launch or grow may be one that's not a fit and that's something different. You may need to address that one all over the place.
That's right. Fear keeps most people from launching AND growing the business inside them. It keeps them second-guessing, procrastinating, listening to nay-sayers, not making the phone call, not asking for the sale, not writing the book, not fininshing the book (guilty here), not hiring the coach (used to be guilty here), not following up.....
It's the same thing that makes fear of public speaking the number one fear that people possess. (Above death even!) We'd HATE, HATE, HATE to be laughed at or seen as silly in front of our peers or even those who aren't our peers.
If you've been around junior highers for very long you'll realize that social shame can be a fate worst than death for us.
So, instead of writing that novel, starting the blog or making the video, we grab another donut and turn on the TV.... OR we stay stuck in that nasty 9 to 5 job that's never going to bring us life (or others for that matter!) (Check out the book the War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Incredible resource on this! He calls this syndrome "the resistance" )
We all lose when you stay stuck, silent and in shame.
But, I can tell you I now see it clearer than ever and its a shame!
There's loss of huge, HUGE amounts of growth, joy, productivity, money and maybe most importantly, freedom and fulfillment of a dream.
I now feel that instead of just dancing around the symptoms and just adding a new tactic, a new idea or even a new reason why it'll never work "for me" AND even blaming God for not coming through for us, it's best to just get to the root cause.
And the story goes something like this...
"I'd love to launch (or grow) my dream business but...I can't afford to.
I don't know where to start
I've failed before
I don't want to fail again.
I don't know how to market
I don't know what to do next
I don't think I have what it takes
I'm too old
I'm too young
I'm not good in front of the camera
I'm not good with technolgy
I have total emathy for many of these and completely know those sentiments feel real ...
BUT, are they true?
Ah, that's something different all together.Yes, the vision you're seeking to launch or grow may be one that's not a fit and that's something different. You may need to address that one all over the place.
BUT, I've never addressed this one before and now I'm not making that mistake anymore.
Life's too short and your dream's too valuable.So, what's at the root of all of these?
Often, it's F---- E----- A---- R (FEAR)That's right. Fear keeps most people from launching AND growing the business inside them. It keeps them second-guessing, procrastinating, listening to nay-sayers, not making the phone call, not asking for the sale, not writing the book, not fininshing the book (guilty here), not hiring the coach (used to be guilty here), not following up.....
And the reason for the fear?
The specific cause of fear was recently addressed by one of my podcasting and marketing mentors, Chalene Johnson: It's S---- H---- A---- M---- E (SHAME).We fear that others will judge us, reject us, scorn us... or we'll let them down, look foolish in front of them, fail to provide for them. Then we'll experience shame. Please, not shame!!Can you see it?
It's the same thing that makes fear of public speaking the number one fear that people possess. (Above death even!) We'd HATE, HATE, HATE to be laughed at or seen as silly in front of our peers or even those who aren't our peers.
If you've been around junior highers for very long you'll realize that social shame can be a fate worst than death for us.
So, instead of writing that novel, starting the blog or making the video, we grab another donut and turn on the TV.... OR we stay stuck in that nasty 9 to 5 job that's never going to bring us life (or others for that matter!) (Check out the book the War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Incredible resource on this! He calls this syndrome "the resistance" )
The Shame of the Shame
We don't get to live into our callings, desires, and dreams. We allow fear and shame to be our masters. We don't bring our best gifts of creation, information or even transformation to our world that could benefit.We all lose when you stay stuck, silent and in shame.
Is there a way forward?
There's CERTAINLY a way forward... but it does involve some reflection and of course courage to and clarity.
It's seeing a desire that's bigger than your shame. Clearly seeing that desire... not anything murky or muted.
Without clarity of what you REALLY desire, the shame thing will usually outweigh any risk to move forward.
But, clarity isn't impossible or even that hard! It just takes the willingness to do two things the majority of us humans fail to do.
1. Get still long enough to honestly pray and ask both God and ourselves: "What do I really want?"
2. Surround yourself with the courageous others who ask #1 - then act on it.
Frankly, life is just too short not to do #1 or #2.
By the grace of God, let's kick shame's butt!
PS. If you're ready to take the next step and intentionally KILL YOUR FEARS and LAUNCH YOUR DREAMS..
I worked with author, speaker and coach Gregg Stutts to create a free one week video series to inspire you, empower you and free your creativity. One Week All Out War on The 7 Deadly Entrepreneur-Fears.
Just click here to receive it or share it with others to join you in it.
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